"WOMEN" A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: Woman

SYMBOL: Wo

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 55 kgs., but know to vary from 40 to 250 kgs.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface is usually covered in powder or painted film.

2. Boils at nothing. Freezes for no reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.

6. Yields to pressure applied to selected points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and most precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without warning for no reason.

4. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.

5. Activity greatly increases when saturated in alcohol.

6. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid for relaxation.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns bright pink if discovered in its natural raw state.

2. Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.

CAUTION: HAZARDOUS - CAN CAUSE NAGGING IRRITATIONS IF IN POSSESSION OF MORE THAN ONE AT ANY TIME. THIS IS CONSIDERED EXTREMELY DANGEROUS AND MAY BE ILLEGAL